One of the biggest inhibitors to loving our neighbor as ourselves is our propensity to judge others for who they are or what they believe that may be in contrast with who we want them to be or what we think they should believe. Judgments can come from the words we've heard them speak previously, or seen them share on their social media platforms. They can also come from the things we’ve heard others say about them. We take all of this in, whether recognizing it or not, and our mind seeks to create judgments so that we have “control”. It’s a form of organizing the people in our lives into boxes so that we can feel like we have them figured out—which in turn produces a false sense of control. These judgments can act as inhibitors to hearing someone—and ultimately connecting with them.
What if, instead, we took the time to see past outer appearances by asking questions that peel back the layers of who someone really is? Even if you don’t agree with their thoughts, the fact that you took the time to pause, listen, and genuinely repeat back what they said goes a long way. When they feel that you’ve done that, their inner noise quiets down. They don’t need to yell or make big gestures or repeat themselves because they feel heard by you.
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